Don't Miss It

July 27th, 2007

i would like to take a moment to address some concerns about having parker4. and i figured this was as good a place as any to do just that.FAQs
yes, it is hard. yes, it is even harder having several so close together (so i hear) although, i wouldn’t really know, since this is the only reality i have to draw from. no, they don’t get as much as they would have if there were only one or two of them. yes, i have to sacrifice – time, money, wants, alone time, sanity, sleep. yes, i do have my “hands full”. and my personal favorite – yes, i know what causes this.

A BRIEF HISTORY OF LOVING KIDS
i always knew i wanted to work with kids. i just didn’t know what that looked like. i babysat. i majored in elementary ed. i worked/lived in the wilderness 8 weeks as a girl scout camp counselor with sixteen 8 year olds. i worked daycare as the only care-taker of nine 18-36 month olds. i taught 4 year old pre-k. multiple children in one place doesn’t scare me. i remember vividly praying when i was at college that God would teach me patience. He has been faithful. He put a desire in my heart to have a bunch of babies. and now He’s giving me the chance to practice.

WHY
why not just work with kids like i started out doing? that was not my calling. that’s not the desire in my heart. it just was never quite right. there was more. when pearl and i got married i knew i wanted kids. he knew i wanted kids. i knew he didn’t really want kids, but that he would compromise. neither one of us wanted them for a LONG time. hey, we had partying to do, yo. “maybe in 2 years” 2 years came and we still weren’t ready. but God had other plans and along came boy1. i wasn’t sure if i was going to stay home. pearl’s mom did, mine didn’t. i wasn’t sold. i was loving the downtown little rock high life. but i got laid off in the dot-com industry crash, and it’s hard to find good work when you’re 6 months pregnant. so i decided to stay home. pearl and his brother are 2 1/2 years apart. and i loved seeing how close they were. my sisters are 8 and 11 years older than me. i grew up an only child, kinda. with 3 moms, basically. not fun. i also knew i wanted several kids. so the equation was coming together. for my sake – i wanted several kids. for their sake i wanted them close in age. pearl’s best memories are of his first 5 years of life with his mom. this is what i wanted for my kids. i knew the inside of the daycare industry and i knew i didn’t want my kids there. my mom nannied when i was in high school and i saw those babies grow and call my mom “mama”. i translated for 2 and 3 year olds at day care for their parents who couldn’t understand their words, but i, a young college single, spent more waking hours with their babies than they did. these were not the things i wanted for my family. i’m not judging. i’m not making a statement about what should be for everyone. i’m saying this is the direction I was being led. and how we got where we are.

THE FIRST 3 PARKERS
boy1 came along and when he was 3 months old i was ready to go again. i got pregnant with boy2 (with 2 months of trying) when boy1 was 10 months old. when boy2 turned a year old and i wasn’t pregnant i was a little sad, but not quite ready yet. the morning we learned a friend’s baby was born – the fever hit. let me also back up. pearl didn’t want kids. and was petrified while i was pregnant with boy1. about 3 months after he was born he was sold. absolultely lovin’ the one we had and ready for more. same with girl1. he’s ready to be done now. i could keep going. so we’re compromising. one more.

DON’T MISS IT
why would i want this?
could i be having more fun? seriously. i LOVE watching them. learn, play, fight, grow. i love how much they’re teaching me. about love. love – watching my honey with them… could i be more in love with him? love – learning what unconditional means. love – seeing how discipline and love go hand in hand. i love the questions they ask. i love watching them sleep. i love nursing my babies. i love being pregnant. i love knowing God is growing a baby in there. that He’s knitting the details where i can’t see. i love the surprise of their birth. i love their smell. i love even the big-kids-playing-outside-top-of-their-head smell. i love how they interact with each other. i love how they love playing with their daddy. i love how they look packed like sardines across the back of the corolla. i love pick-ups, and hands-in-the-air-please-hold-me-mama looks. i love when they learn that first joke. and they realize the world is funny and they can create some that. i love the pictures they make and asking, “tell me all about it” because i can’t tell anything about it. i love their eyes when you tell them you got ‘em a surprise. i love seeing who they are and waiting to see who God made them to be. i love when they hold my hand and the softness of that hold. i love when they say, “i wuv wu mama” i love that they are as excited as me to get another brother or sister. i love how they make up games like catch the bouncy ball with the upside down bucket. i love when they discovered crisco while i wasn’t looking. i love how they take care of each other and then beat each other to a pulp the next second. i love the fingerprints all over everything.

WHAT I KNOW
i know we don’t have much money. i know that more babies puts a strain on the pocketbook and add more sleep deprivation. i know the chaos is not always joyful. i get tired, frustrated, fed up, and angry. the patience isn’t just handed over on a silver platter, after all. but it is given. i know that what i have is priceless at the end of the day. i know i wouldn’t trade what i have for all the money and time and sleep i’ve given up. i know this won’t last forever. i know it’s going faster everyday. i know God said they are a blessing from Him. i know He’s right.

i know i don’t want to miss this.

My Pregnancy In Numbers (Up to baby 4)

written when i was pregnant with my 4th child.

my pregnancy in numbers

this is my 4th child in 4 years.
when this baby is born i will have a 5 yr old, a 3 yr old, and a 1 yr old. within a month, i will have a 5 year old, a newborn, a 4 year old birthday party and a 2 year old birthday party.
i have had 5 periods since december of 2000 – 6 years.
when the doctor asks me when the first day of my last period was, my answer will be, “june 2004.”
in six years i’ve been pregnant a total of 28 months so far. that’s roughly 850 days of my life. so far. by the end of this one it will be 64 months = roughly 1,934 days.
i’ve nursed a total 40 months so far. that’s 3 years and 4 months. i hope to nurse at least a year, probably more since it will be my last so that will be a minimum of 52 months, 1,466 days.
but, it’s just life to me, it doesn’t feel like it’s all that crazy until somebody in the grocery store says, “geez, you’ve got your hands full, don’t ya?”

The Story

(written by my Matt Parker)

Biography

IN THE BEGINNING:
We began to be us in the summer of 1999. Before that time we were me and her…or something. Anyway, 1999 places me in northeast Arkansas and Suzanne in southeast Arkansas working for a children’s home. Through the providential hand of God, we somehow ended up together after several years of a sometimes shaky friendship. To make a long story a little less long…it was love at 148th sight (all figures approximate). We were married in 1999.
We bumped along for a couple of years, working hard to develop the perfect dysfunctional relationship. We did a pretty good job of severing ties with everyone we knew and cared about. We have also done our share of moving around. We moved from northeast Arkansas to Mississippi, to southeast Arkansas, 3 more moves, and eventually back to southeast Arkansas.
LET THE WAKE BEGIN:
We have left many friends, acquantinces, and enemies in our wake over the past several years. It is for this reason, at least in part, that I write this. I hope to share our hearts with people we see or hear from that have known me or Suzanne. I want to set the record straight. We have done much wrong and a little right. If you are in the “done wrong” category (and there are a bunch of you) we sincerely and deeply apologize. We want to make it right with you.
A LITTLE EXPLANATION:
Our shortcomings, together and individualy, stem from a misallocation of priorities and goals. Initially, we each unconsciously decided to seek the best/easiest route to find normalcy in life. Seeking stability and the pursuit of happiness, we made some mistakes that have had some pretty severe consequences. Our most prominent and ill rewarded mistake was our decision to “put” God way down there on our priority list (way, way, way down). This led to a string of bad decisions. It has proven to have had a domino effect in our lives. We have YEARS ahead of untangling some of these mistakes, and we have some that will never be completely untangled.
MORE SPECIFICALLY:
To make this more applicable to the “done wrongs”, I will try to go over some of the most grievous offenses we have commited. First, our friends and families, got hung out to dry during our rebellion to God. We have had, and amazingly still have some of, the greatest friends and family ever. I apologize to you “done wrongs” for being too selfish to further develop deep, meaningful relationships. With no Christ-focus, we did not see the importance of loving the people we were around as Jesus loves them. We were selfish, petty, lazy, unkind, and uncaring. So to our parents,David, Brian, Kenney & Elizabeth, Jessie, Tom & Meredith, Jim & Danell, Brandon, Bill & Shereefa, Steve & Kim, Chris & Stacy, Michelle, Jeff & Farah, Terry & Dymphna, Andy & Linda, Brock & Mike, Juanita & Webb, Mike, Tadd, Robb, Russell, David & Deeny, Sara, April, Dallas & Olethea, Bart & Amy, Doug, Jeff & Summer, Melanie, Peyton, Straight Burger, Young Bucks, Brannon, Sarah, Nikki, Josh, Kevin & Lisa, Amanda, Trish, Joanne, Keith & Pam, Lisa, Jeff, Steve, Danny & Leanna, Angela, Vu, and Danny, I am truly sorry. I know there are more of you who should be included in the “done wrong” listing. To all of you, we are deeply troubled over not being the friends we could have and should have been. We want to make it right! Please be patient with us as we try to correct our mistakes over the next few months and years.
OUR REDIRECTION:
I think the story of Jonah, the Old Testament prophet, best summarizes our story. In many ways I find myself to be a lot like Jonah. Jonah, in brief, knew God. God called him up to go do some work. Jonah split the scene and began a journey running from God. After a little “correction” from God, Jonah set out to do God’s will. This story pretty much sums up our story. We, like Jonah, knew God, but we decided to not to do the work he was sending us to do. If I have learned anything about God in the last 10 years, it has to be the truth in the idea that you can run from God, but you cannot hide! So after a little correction, we finally moved on toward God’s will. I still carry alot of Jonahness with me, but now I know that there are only two roads in life…God’s Will Blvd. or Harder Than Hades Highway. God has shown us that there is peace and joy in following Him, and there is heartache and misery in not.
THE ROAD TO TARSUS:
While running from God, we realized that religion is not all that it is cracked up to be. The churches on the toll road to Tarsus were full of hypocrites and misguided zealots. We were glad to have been finally enlightened concerning this obvious fact. One problem that we never were able to solve however was our own hypocrisy. Anyway, as we traveled further from God, it became less bothersome to travel away from God. We realized that the road was long, dusty, and riddled with potholes, but we thought that the infrastructure of life was just so. We moved from bad decisions to worse decisions. This is where a lot of the friend and family “done wrongs” began to pile up. Nevertheless, we were somehow “satisfied” with this lack luster existence. With all of the traveling, there was very little time to stop, rest, and think. We were very reactive to everything going on in our lives, and we did little to plan for the coming weeks, months, or years. We finally made it to the sea port and boarded a ship bound for “Far Away From God.” By this time we had all but forgotten that we were even running. We were living the life! The salt air was nice and you should’ve seen the sunsets…, but still there was plenty to complain about. One day, while taking a nap in the depths of the ship, I was awakened by my beloved mate Suzanne. She stood holding a little white stick with a little window on it. She urged me to look in the window of the little stick. Huh…two little pink lines. The next thing I knew there were people casting lots, and I wasn’t getting any sevens. Overboard we go. My panic of drowning was quickly replaced by my fear of large fish. Guuulllp. Let me tell you, it stinks inside a fish. There is absolutely only one good thing about being inside of a fish. The inside of a fish is a great place to think. “I don’t want kids…I don’t think…do I?…I have got to get a good paying job…I need insurance…why is Suzanne so excited about this while I am so scared?…how do you raise a kid?…….HOW DO YOU RAISE A CHILD?!!” I began to think much more deeply than I was familiar with. The thought of raising a child was quickly making me realize that I needed to be doing something differently. I began to think about what was really important in life. More than anything else, what do I HAVE to teach this child? The answer to the question was clear, but I kept asking myself the same question over and over anyway. Every time I asked, the answer would come back clearer. I guess there is something about the stomach lining of a fish that filters the murkiness out of answers to importan questions. Over the course of several months in the fish I realized that the most important thing to pass on to my child was life. How simple is that. I want this child to have real life! I want the road that my child takes to be much better than that one I took down to the sea port. I don’t want potholes and dust for my baby. In my heart I knew that the only road that I could trust my baby with is the road that leads back toward God. And so it was. Suzanne and I called out to God. “God, we know you know a better way for our baby and for us. If you will still have us…”, and I think it was mid-sentence that God made that fish nauseated. Suzanne and I found ourselves (and our new baby) on some remote shore-line.
ON TO NINEVEH:
Amazingly, we discovered that God does not wait on us to get where he told us to go before he will talk to you. Nothing had changed! We were the same people with all of the same consequences we had before we responded to God’s calling. We still had the same dysfunctional relationship with each other and with our friends and family. The new road we found had potholes too! We quickly learned that the new road was in many ways harder than the old road. To brave the new road, we would need to develop some new habits. We will need discipline, tenacity, compassion, and love. We are in the process of walking on this road now. It does make more sense now than it did a couple of years ago, but there are still days when we stop and sulk under the shade trees on the side of the road. We have a lifetime ahead of walking toward Jesus. We have found that the new road, though challenging at times, is full of joyful sights. There are also watering holes lining this road. On that old road, we hardly ever got a refreshing drink! Now, peace and rest is abundant. We get to stop and be reinvigorated regularly. Suzanne and I are excited about what lies around the next corner! We hope that it is you! If it is, we will all have to stop at the next watering hole and drink in the goodness of Christ together.
IF YOUR BURDEN IS HEAVY:
I know that the Jonah analogy may have gotten a little out of hand, ok…way out of hand, but the truth of the matter is quite simple. Jesus said, “Come to me if you’re tired and weighed down with burdens, and I’ll give you rest.” We don’t have to wonder if He wants us. He plainly told us to come on with Him. He’s not asking for GREAT men and women to get everything just right and then come to him and say “I’ll see you at church Sunday Jesus, but I got to get some stuff right before we can talk.” We like people to get a bath and put on some deodorant before they come over to our house, but Jesus isn’t like us. He says, “Come on over and get a bath at My house and you will never need another bath again.” He knows you are dirty. He knows you are tired, and He still wants you to come over because He cares for you.
Knowing God is not about church and religion. It is simply realizing that God loves you so much that He sent His own Son to die for YOU…dirty tired old you. If you will stop walking away from Him, turn around, and ask Jesus to lead you in a new direction, He will do it. God says in the bible that if we admit that we are going the wrong way, He is faithful to forgive us of our sin. I would urge you not to wait on a fish to swallow you before you stop to think about what is really important in life. If you think this is hogwash, and want to tell me so, e-mail or call me. If you think this is exactly what you need in your life, and you want to talk about it, e-mail or call me. Suzanne and I are moving toward God (although sometimes slowly) and we need your patience and graciousness. As I stated earlier, I know we have made alot of poor decisions, but we want to make it right. Come and join us in the Sonlight!
In Him,
Us

What's Goin' On 'Round Here

July 7th, 2007

(aka the grandparents’ post and homeschooling post)

let’s see, an update…

we are waiting for our small group to start at church.  we like our group and are excited about this.  we’ve also joined a homeschool group and are looking forward to that starting up.  we’ve braved the library reading club this summer and it’s going well.  we’ve made a couple of friends (the hartley’s and maury’s crew) and that’s encouraging.

my oldest

is reading.  not avidly or excitedly, but sometimes actually tries it on his own.  we are using a combination of teach your child to read in 100 easy lessons, more often hooked on phonics, and occasionally just a “will you read your book to me please?”

handwriting is not by any curriculum.  i write out a Bible verse and he copies it or if he’s really excited about something, like snakes this week, then i’ll write out the name of his favorite snake and he’ll copy it or i’ll dictate it to him and get him to write it phonetically.  or i’ll just see that he’s been writing on some of his superhero pictures and call it good.

math is still using singapore math.  i love it.  i love it.  can i say again, i love it?!  we’re 2 pages from being through with the current workbook, he’ll start the last workbook in the kindergarten series next week.  then we’ll move on to the first grade primer when it is finished.  it’s hands on.  it’s colorful.  it’s quick and painless.  it’s easy for me to set up the hands on stuff.  it moves at a pace that he can handle.  i love it.

science is everywhere.  anything that sparks his interest we will research.  right now, as i mentioned, that’s snakes.  we have a poster from the arkansas game and fish commission.  we have a book from the library.  we watched diego and learned about anacondas.  we drew pictures of speckled king snakes.  we learned vocabulary words: venomous, constrictor, habitat, predator, prey.  we did art projects to make twirly snakes.  i would like to get a curriculum for the new school year, though, to actually follow something and i’m sure we’ll continue to supplement with our newest interests.  some of the prior interests have been planets, owls, ducks, how the stomach works, tornadoes, non-newtonian liquids, turtles, and rabbits.

still wanting to do spanish.  i’m teaching them the few things that i already know.

geography is done through osmosis as my friend does!

i’m excited about starting history, but i’m forcing myself to wait a few years.  i can’t wait to learn this one, myself!!

Bible is not a curriculum for us.  it’s in everything.  our church is reading ephesians weekly – one chapter a day monday through saturday and then rereading it each week this way for the rest of the summer.  so i’ve been reading this out loud to the kiddos while they run around and play.  are they getting it?  i don’t know, but maybe.  and we talk about what they’re learning at church because their classes are awesome!

my 4 year old boy

is learning his alphabet using teach your child to read in 100 easy lessons and everything i can find.  magazines, preschool workbooks, library books, you know, preschool fun stuff.

his handwriting is learning to write the letters he’s learning and learning to write his name.

he’s doing singapore math also.  he’s almost finished with the first wookbook of pre-k.  i love it, have i mentioned this?

he joins in all the science and geography stuff the rest of the family is doing.

he is so funny.  “oh, snap.”  “that’s genius, my man.”  “hey, dude.”  are used frequently with a straight face.  he keeps me rolling!

he’s really questioning all things of faith.  i’ve been praying for him very much.  he wants to know all about Jesus.  a curiosity that’s amazing to me.

my 2 year old girl

oh.  my.  she is still the same as always.

she almost has those colors down.

and she says things like, “i read to you, mama.”  and then uses this sing-song voice to tell me the stories page by page.  too funny.

she is almost potty trained.  she decided this.  i’d have chosen to wait a while.  but she decided it and we followed suit.  she only wears a diaper at naptime and bedtime and when we go to town now.  i’ll eventually get brave enough to venture out without one!  we have used candy bribes in the past, but since she’s the third and her brothers think she hung the moon, we haven’t had to this time.  she has a little musical potty that plays when she goes.  so everybody, short of daisy and the baby, go running to see the “results” when they hear the music.  and when she pees outside she stands up and holds her tt (the way her brothers do).  oh. my.

the littlest

is 3 1/2 months.

sucks his thumb and holds a little blankie to put himself to sleep.  it is so cute.  i’m working on getting a picture of this.

he kind of likes his daddy a little more now.  he will smile and laugh at him.  but still doesn’t want matt to hold him.  if matt holds him more than about 2-5 minutes he starts screaming.

he can bring toys to his mouth.

he’s teething something terrible.

he requires a quiet nursing time with me in the afternoon or he will scream for hours on end.

the ergo has saved my life.

he rolled over one day several times.  and hasn’t again.  he will when he gets ready, not too worried about it.

expanding the parker family

either not for a long time or never.

something occurred to me last night while i was putting everybody to bed and my girl and my littlest were screaming the loudest.  i’ve always said that God gives us who He wants us to have in our family when He wants us to have them.  we were set up to have more kiddos when our second boy was 2 and our girl was an infant because the second boy’s toddlerhood was calm and my girl’s infancy was a dream.  seeing as how my girl’s toddlerhood is ridiculous and my littlest’s infancy is as insane as her toddlerhood.  well, let’s just say, i’m done.  and i’m loving homeschooling so much that i can’t wait to get everybody going at once.  and i’m enjoying each moment now and not looking forward to the next one so much.  and i like that i will be joining the rest of the family and not always sitting on the sidelines pregnant, nursing, or holding a baby.  it feels good.

to sum up

the medicine is working.  so everything looks better.  and life is pretty good.  it’s not all roses.  and i’ll be sure to post on the thorns along the way.  remember, it always sounds better than it really is when you highlight only the best parts of your life.  if you’ve stayed with me this long you’re probably a grandparent and i wanted to tell you that i LOVE that you grandmas are commenting.  i read them to the kiddos and i feel like you’re more connected with us.  and if you’re not a grandparent and you made it this far, wow.  you’re really devoted and i love you!  let me know you’re here!

What's Going On Around Here

July 7th, 2007

(aka the grandparents’ post and homeschooling post)

let’s see, an update…

we are waiting for our small group to start at church.  we like our group and are excited about this.  we’ve also joined a homeschool group and are looking forward to that starting up.  we’ve braved the library reading club this summer and it’s going well.  we’ve made a couple of friends (the hartley’s and maury’s crew) and that’s encouraging.

my oldest

is reading.  not avidly or excitedly, but sometimes actually tries it on his own.  we are using a combination of teach your child to read in 100 easy lessons, more often hooked on phonics, and occasionally just a “will you read your book to me please?”

handwriting is not by any curriculum.  i write out a Bible verse and he copies it or if he’s really excited about something, like snakes this week, then i’ll write out the name of his favorite snake and he’ll copy it or i’ll dictate it to him and get him to write it phonetically.  or i’ll just see that he’s been writing on some of his superhero pictures and call it good.

math is still using singapore math.  i love it.  i love it.  can i say again, i love it?!  we’re 2 pages from being through with the current workbook, he’ll start the last workbook in the kindergarten series next week.  then we’ll move on to the first grade primer when it is finished.  it’s hands on.  it’s colorful.  it’s quick and painless.  it’s easy for me to set up the hands on stuff.  it moves at a pace that he can handle.  i love it.

science is everywhere.  anything that sparks his interest we will research.  right now, as i mentioned, that’s snakes.  we have a poster from the arkansas game and fish commission.  we have a book from the library.  we watched diego and learned about anacondas.  we drew pictures of speckled king snakes.  we learned vocabulary words: venomous, constrictor, habitat, predator, prey.  we did art projects to make twirly snakes.  i would like to get a curriculum for the new school year, though, to actually follow something and i’m sure we’ll continue to supplement with our newest interests.  some of the prior interests have been planets, owls, ducks, how the stomach works, tornadoes, non-newtonian liquids, turtles, and rabbits.

still wanting to do spanish.  i’m teaching them the few things that i already know.

geography is done through osmosis as my friend does!

i’m excited about starting history, but i’m forcing myself to wait a few years.  i can’t wait to learn this one, myself!!

Bible is not a curriculum for us.  it’s in everything.  our church is reading ephesians weekly – one chapter a day monday through saturday and then rereading it each week this way for the rest of the summer.  so i’ve been reading this out loud to the kiddos while they run around and play.  are they getting it?  i don’t know, but maybe.  and we talk about what they’re learning at church because their classes are awesome!

my 4 year old boy

is learning his alphabet using teach your child to read in 100 easy lessons and everything i can find.  magazines, preschool workbooks, library books, you know, preschool fun stuff.

his handwriting is learning to write the letters he’s learning and learning to write his name.

he’s doing singapore math also.  he’s almost finished with the first wookbook of pre-k.  i love it, have i mentioned this?

he joins in all the science and geography stuff the rest of the family is doing.

he is so funny.  “oh, snap.”  “that’s genius, my man.”  “hey, dude.”  are used frequently with a straight face.  he keeps me rolling!

he’s really questioning all things of faith.  i’ve been praying for him very much.  he wants to know all about Jesus.  a curiosity that’s amazing to me.

my 2 year old girl

oh.  my.  she is still the same as always.

she almost has those colors down.

and she says things like, “i read to you, mama.”  and then uses this sing-song voice to tell me the stories page by page.  too funny.

she is almost potty trained.  she decided this.  i’d have chosen to wait a while.  but she decided it and we followed suit.  she only wears a diaper at naptime and bedtime and when we go to town now.  i’ll eventually get brave enough to venture out without one!  we have used candy bribes in the past, but since she’s the third and her brothers think she hung the moon, we haven’t had to this time.  she has a little musical potty that plays when she goes.  so everybody, short of daisy and the baby, go running to see the “results” when they hear the music.  and when she pees outside she stands up and holds her tt (the way her brothers do).  oh. my.

the littlest

is 3 1/2 months.

sucks his thumb and holds a little blankie to put himself to sleep.  it is so cute.  i’m working on getting a picture of this.

he kind of likes his daddy a little more now.  he will smile and laugh at him.  but still doesn’t want matt to hold him.  if matt holds him more than about 2-5 minutes he starts screaming.

he can bring toys to his mouth.

he’s teething something terrible.

he requires a quiet nursing time with me in the afternoon or he will scream for hours on end.

the ergo has saved my life.

he rolled over one day several times.  and hasn’t again.  he will when he gets ready, not too worried about it.

expanding the parker family

either not for a long time or never.

something occurred to me last night while i was putting everybody to bed and my girl and my littlest were screaming the loudest.  i’ve always said that God gives us who He wants us to have in our family when He wants us to have them.  we were set up to have more kiddos when our second boy was 2 and our girl was an infant because the second boy’s toddlerhood was calm and my girl’s infancy was a dream.  seeing as how my girl’s toddlerhood is ridiculous and my littlest’s infancy is as insane as her toddlerhood.  well, let’s just say, i’m done.  and i’m loving homeschooling so much that i can’t wait to get everybody going at once.  and i’m enjoying each moment now and not looking forward to the next one so much.  and i like that i will be joining the rest of the family and not always sitting on the sidelines pregnant, nursing, or holding a baby.  it feels good.

to sum up

the medicine is working.  so everything looks better.  and life is pretty good.  it’s not all roses.  and i’ll be sure to post on the thorns along the way.  remember, it always sounds better than it really is when you highlight only the best parts of your life.  if you’ve stayed with me this long you’re probably a grandparent and i wanted to tell you that i LOVE that you grandmas are commenting.  i read them to the kiddos and i feel like you’re more connected with us.  and if you’re not a grandparent and you made it this far, wow.  you’re really devoted and i love you!  let me know you’re here!