2 Under 2 - 2nd Edition

a few more…

let go the guilt.  so you don’t have time for the 2nd like you did the first.  cindy (you know the one that’s had 13 children!) once told me that the first just has a different kind of blessing.  and this is true.  and needed.  because the first also has more pressure.  it just happens.  with more privilege comes more responsibility.  which leads into the next truth.

the first will not be like an only.  and that’s a good thing.  that’s why you had another one, right?  they will learn all things you’ve imagined – to care for the smaller, to share, to live in chaos more peacefully…  but they will give up complete order, quiet, undivided attention, all the extra time and energy you have.  it’s a trade-off – but one that’s worth it.  and this leads to the next…

they will survive.  really.  everybody’s crying?  they’ll get over it.  in another 15 minutes they’ll probably be smiling again.  even if you do everything wrong.  which you won’t most of the time…  which leads to…

sometimes you will do everything wrong.  you will.  you will yell when you should comfort.  you will leave when you should stay.  you will smother when you should give space.  you will let them “cry it out” and find them covered in poop an hour later.  you will beat yourself up.  and that’s when you look back at “they will survive”  and “let go the guilt”.  and then…

you learn to laugh.  i’m still falling short in this one, but getting better.  the more you laugh, the more they laugh.  and isn’t that one of your fantasies about having several children – everyone giggling and laughing and enjoying life?  then giggle and laugh and enjoy life.  even when they’re covered in poop and you’re the only one there to clean it up and you’re still trying to nurse the second.  laugh.  because if it weren’t happening to you – you’d find it funny.  ie – last night - my newest one was wailing at colic time.  the other 3 were back in bed after nana and papa had dropped in (but still not asleep) and matt was mowing the yard.  i walked outside with my loud sweet pea on my arm in the “colic hold” and swaying him to try to quiet him.  he quieted.  i stepped back inside to turn the tv off and he immediately started wailing.  i stepped out the door – stopped.  so what did i do, the tender mom that i am?  stood on the threshhold turning from out – quiet – to in – wailing.  and laughing.  all by myself.  tormenting my 2 month old.  but it was funny.  you know in a warped kinda way. 

one of your new mottos should be “they’re building immunity”.  when they’ve smeared that poop you left them in everywhere, “they’re building immunity.”  when the puking 2 year old puts her finger in the 1 one month old’s mouth (because they will), “they’re building immunity.”  when you swipe the something out of your 8 month old’s mouth while you were distracted trying to potty the toddler and the something was a semi-dead beetle, everyone with me now, “they’re building immunity.”

this too shall pass.  when everyone needs something right now and there’s only one of you and everyone’s wailing like they aren’t going to make it – just know in 10 minutes everything will settle again.  it won’t stay at that crazy level indefinitely.  especially if you don’t flip out.  just quickly prioritize and jump in one at a time.  who’s in most imminent danger?  fix that one and then move to the next.  even if that means the eggs are getting methodically broken in the fridge, there is a marker trail being drawn from the front door to the “spy hide-out”, and the cat is eating your dinner off the table – you ignore all that while you rescue the 2 month old from having the paci “stuffed” into his mouth by the well-meaning toddler who’s been breaking eggs a moment ago.  then shoo the cat (“we’re building immunity”), while cleaning up raw egg child with fridge still open, infant crying in a safe spot, and marker trail getting longer.  next to the raw egg clean up in fridge while telling 4 year old to please stop decorating our home.  wash hands, try paci for infant, start show for 2 year old, and move to marker clean-up while brain-storming what he could use instead to leave a trail for the 5 year old to find.  pick up infant, move to couch to watch show with 2 year old to recover and then move to book reading if you so desire.  and voila!  10 minutes have passed and everyone’s calm again.  including you.  and if you’re really wild you’ll stop to get pictures while laughing maniacally.