When You're On First Name Basis With The Poison Control Guy

June 21st, 2007

besides the typical toddler dumping stuff/knocking everything off/hitting/sometimes biting/and lots of screaming behavior, in the last 2 weeks my girl has (in no particular order):

-started climbing out of the crib

-refused to sleep anywhere

-started climbing to the top bunk (prompting us to take away the ladder)

-learned to scale the bunk beds without the ladder

-fallen off the top bunk trying to turn on the light after bedtime (prompting us first to cry and pray that she would be okay – it was not a good scene – and then prompting us to disassemble the bunk beds and remove the top one from the house completely)

-drank/dumped the infant gas drops (prompting me to curse the makers that don’t put childproof lids on medicine)

-continued the 9 month long saga of coming out of her seatbelt when she’s bored in the car (prompting me to scream at my 2 year old like a mad woman)

-colored on every available surface – including the inside of her ear with oil paints (still there 4 days later)

-taken to putting small objects in her mouth constantly like a 12 month old

-puked in the van on the way to the birthday party

-gotten a horrid bruise on the bottom of her foot – from i don’t know where.

-gagged our infant routinely with her finger

-tried to stick a bouncy ball there.  yes, there.

and the most recent…

-ate half of my new deodrant.  ate it.  as in actually swallowed half of it before we discovered it.  prompting us to call poison control.  in case you’re wondering – it probably won’t kill you.  it will give you a red rash around the mouth, make you water proof, smell really great, and give you a wicked stomach ache.  we have, so far, escaped the vomiting and diarrhea they said should happen, though we’re not holding our breath. 

thanks Justin, you do poison control proud.

(disclaimer:  i am watching her.  it’s like trying to watch a tasmanian devil.  this is yet another reason i fully believe my latest installment in the parker family will be my last.  everytime i look at a pregnant woman and begin to daydream i immediately think, “when she outgrows this stage, i still have another one to go through this.”)