Since starting the 90 day Bible challenge there have been many discussions. And many cringing moments on my part. And expansion. I feel me stretching. It’s a good stretching. And incidentally, the 90 day challenge with many small people is quickly turning into a minimum of 190 days. But we’re still moving forward. We’ve made it into Exodus so far and Moses has just led the Israelites through the Red Sea.
I read the entire Bible once before. It started when I was 17 and questioning everything and a friend suggested in my dark period that I read Ecclesiastes. That I might identify with the writer. I had never cracked the Bible before that. I didn’t know what those colons were for, why there were numbers, who the authors were, that there were 2 testaments (whatever that was), but my friend sent me a student paraphrase Bible and told me what to look up. My first thoughts were along the lines of.. Huh, there are actual words that I could understand there and that they were good words. Like book words that I liked. It was like a real book. That was pivotal for me. Then I read Proverbs. Not long after that I decided to follow Jesus Christ wherever He led me. That I wanted to know more about Him. I was drawn to Him. It was at that point that I wanted to know what it was that I believed. I wanted to go to the source before I bought into every word the preacher had to say. I began at the beginning. I ate, slept, and breathed that blue worn student Bible. I slept with it and a highlighter. I highlighted nearly every word. I was floored by it all. It was amazing. Since then I’ve read much of the Bible over, if not a daily reading then nearly that. But not like that time in my life when I was desperate for every word.
When my boys asked the other day if they could be a part of the reading with me I hesitated. I knew what was in there. Especially the old testament. There’s some stout stuff in there. And though I watch way too much tv and am exposed to way too much stuff I probably shouldn’t be, my children are pretty sheltered. Intentionally. They don’t know the words “r.a.pe”, or “s.e…x”, or how babies are made. They’re not there yet. I’ll be overly open when the time comes, but that time is not there yet. And I knew I would have some questions to answer if I started at the beginning and didn’t skip anything. I talked to Matt about it and I began reading.
It wasn’t long before I was holding my breath and trying to keep a poker face while reading about who “lain” with whom. And drunken naked Noah. And.. you get it.
But it didn’t take long before thoughts were rolling around my head while I was doing dishes, sweeping the floor, folding laundry. I was thinking (again) about how the serpent told Eve that she wouldn’t really die, that the forbidden fruit would give her the knowledge of God. And how God had told her she would die. And how after she ate she didn’t die. Not right away (or for several hundred more years for that matter). And the memory came to mind that I had warned my children just before Christmas that if they talked in those dark small moments before bedtime and gave away the secret gifts they had bought for one another that Christmas would be ruined. Now, technically it wouldn’t be ruined. They would still get the gifts, but the magic would be gone. They would have a knowledge they weren’t supposed to have yet. It would make them ashamed and feel bad. I related this for the kiddos to drive home the point of what we were reading.
But I couldn’t shake the thoughts of “paradise ruined”. They rolled around in my head.
A few days later my oldest child stopped me in the middle of the story where the brother who doesn’t want to have children with the widow spills his seed and how it was an abomination before the Lord. He wants to know what the man did that was so bad to God. And I vaguely answer. Truthfully, but vaguely. And it’s not enough, he wants answers. I say nonchalantly, “let me finish today’s reading and I’ll answer you later, okay?” Letting him know I would talk to just him and not the 3, 5, and 7 year olds altogether. He agreed and we moved on. I bought time to talk to Matt that night about what I should say. If I should say anything. We talked about the pros and cons (because we’ll be honest – that’s not an option) and agreed that we would not explain the birds and the bees just yet. It’s okay scientifically. No problem actually explaining the aviaries and the insects. It’s all the innuendos in our society. It’s all the images he’s inundated with in the grocery store line. It’s not the knowledge of the act of procreation that I have a problem with. It’s the loss of innocence. It’s that forever more he’ll know. He’ll have the knowledge of those who are older, wiser, and sometimes more evil. It’s that right now he can hear the lyrics of a song and not know. He can use language that to older more street wise kids means something giggle worthy or eyebrow raising and he is none the wiser for it.
He is not ashamed yet. Much like that first milestone where he became aware of his own nakedness and wanted to hide it and for the first time was ashamed. Forever more now. He can’t go back to the time when he didn’t know. We have the power to impart the knowledge of good and evil. And for a while longer we will choose innocence. We will vaguely not answer the questions until we can’t not answer them anymore.
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