I confessed the other day that I want more kids, right there in the face of the scrutiny of having “so many” already. I’ve had quite a few people tell me I sure do have my hands full and a few not so nice stares. More than a few “you know what causes that right?” and even a couple “Y’all need to get a new hobby!” But I’ve never encountered firsthand disgust and vehemence at my larger than average family. (I’m not reading too much into those comments, am I? You got that too, right?) Okay, there was that one time from that one person who was borderline not so stable, but I basically just dismissed it. Anyway, back to those comments.. So at first I was taken aback. Then I was worried. Then all my super loyal friends stepped up and said funny and sweet stuff and I relaxed a bit. Then Matt started mouthing off about her. And as non-P.C. as his comments were they were truthful and bear repeating.
The comment that started all the mixed emotions was this one by a woman I do not know: (all typos were left in place)
“When someone chooses to have 5 children they make a pledge to themselves to support them in all ways. Clearly, this is a decision of yours not to do this so I don’t feel sorry for whatever hoops you need to jump through. We all pay taxes and I am sure with your husbands 7 deductions you are not paying that much and getting most back. When I was young I could only afford two kids and be able to support them, feed them and educate them. If someone takes state aid and “freebies” they get what they get and must be able to jump through hoops. I am a liberal democrat and just hope all of you who take free aid vote for Obama or all these freebies will disappear. Religion has guided you into something you can’t afford-5 children. Be thankful you can stay home and homeschool and do all the things you do because most can’t. They usually need to working parents to raise those 5 children with all the advantages and education they need.”
And the same woman came back again later and had this to say:
“I thought WIC was for people who were low income and needed help for their babies not to be on for 10 years as the women wrote. If you choose to keep having children because of religious reasons than your church should help you rather than the government since they are promoting having more kids than one can afford.”
There were several things in there that I did not (as my daddy used to say) want to get in a piss fight with a skunk over there at that time, but that I would like to clarify and address now.
First of all, I will not be voting for Obama or any other “liberal democrat” because that’s the whole reason we have had to justify taking that stupid government aid in the first place. If the government would get out of my (yes, I said “my” even though I don’t “work” my husband and I are of one mind, we have one bank account, it is as much mine as it is his) wallet I would have more money to buy the whole milk in the first place. Quit taking money and redistributing it and I wouldn’t have to seek money from the handouts that came out of my husband’s pocket in the first place. Yeah, so that’s how I feel about that one.
Next, the whole “religion guided me to have 5 children and my church should help us not the government” arguments… I am a Christ follower, correct. And it is our conscience that has led us to not desire birth control. Of any kind. However, unlike you suggested, we do not view our children as tax deductions. It would never even have occurred to me to call them that. The fact that you used that language makes me wonder how you see children. They have been planned and desired and hoped and prayed for. Oh, and by the way, we don’t go to church. Stick that one in your neat little box you have pictured that we fit into.
She went on to talk about how she only had 2 children and they had all the advantages she could afford. There’s where Matt got completely un-P.C. and wanted to ask her how that relationship is with them now. How enjoyable that household was when they were growing up. Because it’s not just about what events, toys, clothes, and ballet classes you can provide them with. It’s about dancing in your own home, it’s about the joy on their faces as they pass down their clothes to the next child and remembering how much they loved wearing that Batman shirt. It’s about making time for people, not just shuffling off to the next time-filling event you’ve “provided” them with. It’s about people. Not stuff.
Which brings me to my next inflammatory statement. I want and am trying for another baby.
Yes, we’ve thought we were through before. Several times if you recall. And every time I said we were through I remember a few of you snickered and said, “yeah, right” (Maury!!). And you were right. And if God would bless us so, we’d welcome as many as He would have us to have. That’s a bold statement of faith, folks. It makes me tremble a tad to write it. But the reality is this… life is about.. well, life. And I will embrace it for all it has to offer. In the fun expansive Dallas vacation times and the lean there’s barely enough for whole milk times.
One last thing, Dear critical Mother of Two,
They have names (nicknames here in the blogworld).
This one is TheOldest. He’s 9, but he’d tell you he’s 9 1/2. I only get as long with him before he’s graduated and out in the world as I’ve had already. Time is slipping away before my eyes, but I’m laughing with him, snapping his photo and reveling in his love of American History and studying the Bible. He adores children and babies and is developing his daddy’s sense of humor. He’s struggling to find his way into manhood. And we’re guiding and celebrating that journey with him.
*****
This one is TheMiddlest. He’s 8. He’s a dreamer and a tad bit clumsy at times. He enjoys the moment so much that he forgets there are walls and couches in the way of his roller skating, punk dancing, Wii playing, and chasing. He’s a competitor at heart and can smack talk with the best of ‘em. He laughs and taunts and sometimes is so tenderhearted he cries. He desires to follow Jesus with a quiet strength that amazes me.
*****
This “tax deduction” is our only girl. She’s a 6 year old who’s breezing through her math work and cursive writing and reading complete children’s books. She’s totally princess and pink and sparkly, but she has this raucous laugh that’s so contagious that the toddler has taken to imitating her. She loves dancing and twirling and singing. She loves playing dress up and learning to wear her dollies just as I wear her siblings. She told me the other day that she wants to cook and stay home with her own babies some day. And I couldn’t be more proud.
*****
This child is 4, another of the ones I would never have gotten to meet if I stopped having children when you did, is who we call BigMan. He’s the one I wrote the controversial post about. Ironic name, no, with that small frame? He nicknamed himself. And it was quite a story. He’s been quite a child, full of excitement, independence, sweetness, busyness, and funny talky voices. He is one of the many lights of our life. My snuggle bug.
*****
This “kid”, one of “too many”, is the one we still call TheBaby, though, really at 20 months (today!) he’s more the toddler, but I just can’t bring myself to let go of the “Baby” name just yet. We laughingly called him TheFinalist for a bit, but couldn’t bring ourselves to keep calling him that because we just couldn’t embrace the concept. We wanted to focus more on him, than on some temporary false desire for our own independence. He still nurses and now is beginning to ask for it: “Wanna Nur!” But he has some word for it that sounds something like “nurdaydoe”. I don’t know what it is, but I sure know what it means! He still cosleeps part of the time, he has fluffy curls that I can’t bring myself to cut just yet. He does this little back and forth dance thing to any music, but the move that really gets everyone laughing around here is his arms in the air rap song move. He climbs everything, gets into everything, and loves chasing his siblings, but hates getting in the pool.
*****
And if God, the living Father of my “religion”, sees it best to bless us with another little person we would welcome that life with such joy as you might have never seen. Our life may be chaotic and confusing to you, but the joy bursts the seams of this tiny house you might thumb your nose at.
Our lives reflect life. And it’s a marvelous Light.
No comments:
Post a Comment